EDITORS NOTE:

I actually write this update 4 days ago, just forgot to send it through. Please don't think that I'm purposely ignoring all 6 of you readers
You know it takes an act of God for me to update my blog, but I was provoked into this by a visit from the Zit Fairy. I woke up to find a huge pimple has parked itself directly under the bridge of my nose--right in that little cleft above your mouth (assuming you're not a harelip). For crying out loud, I turn 40 in 6 months--(whoa)--shouldn't this have stopped years ago? When will the torture end? Now I have to go through my day as Adolph Zitler.

I'll never forget the first zit I ever got--it was in 6th grade and it was about the size of the one in the pic--just as juicy, too. And that was before I ever knew they could pop. Think about this....you're 14 years old and toying around with your first zit, wondering if you should be embarrassed about it or proud to know you're on your way to manhood, when **SQUIRT!**--half your face explodes onto the mirror. OMG I was in shock. It looked like someone threw a bucket of mashed potatoes at the wall. Then I bled like a stuck pig, but was more concerned with what the hell the crap was that just shot out of my chin.

Yeah, its kinda gross. And not a really good story, but I wanted to share that. Thank you for listening.

Up until a few days ago, my only mode of transportation here has been a John Deere 4x6 Gator, like the one above. It looks fun, right? Not on these roads. The potholes here are sometimes bigger than the vehicle. Believe me, riding this thing over here will shatter your teeth and knock the turds right outta your colon.

One of the good things of driving a Gator is the fact that you can ride right up to something without getting out. Sometimes I need to check numbers on fuel tanks--no problem, drive right up to it. It makes me feel like that fat, old guy on the electric scooter that you see in Walmart. You know--the guy who has the mechanical "grabber" for those items high up on the shelf? That's me. Except occasionally I actually use my lower torso.

I'm a little more than halfway thru to my first R&R--the first one can be taken after 4 months. Some people wait longer, but I can't see any reason to do that. I need a little normalcy every once in a while. I'm gonna try to stick it through until they shut Iraq down for good--hopefully I can squeeze another year and a half out of it. You'd think we'd be letting people go, but (my unnamed company) is still hiring people. In fact, one of my friends, Mark, is going thru orientation (what exactly does that have to do with Asians?) right now.

Mark's a funny guy. He's about 50 years old now and has a thick Boston accent--and he laughs at anything. He's fat, harmless and dumb as a rock, but you gotta love the guy. He was my roommate a few years back when we both worked at Continental Airlines. He slept on my couch and made shepherds pie three times a week. Gross. Shepherds pie is how you get rid of all the old stuff in your fridge.

Late one night I went to get a drink of water and I accidentally interrupted his little game of Beat the Bishop!

Awwwkwaaard!

He yells at me to make more noise next time I walk in, and I said ok, next time I'll laugh even louder. I'll make sure he reads this when he gets here....

Why, YES THEY DO!

Picture Day

The pictures in my camera are piling up, so I declare PICTURE DAY! Woo-hoo.

The John Belushi poster was already there, a sign that I truly belong here

Wow, I was reading that last update I wrote and can only assume that the raisins I had during breakfast must've somehow fermented in my stomach and affected my senses. WTF was all that? Well, today I actually have something worth writing about. I finally got my own trailer. Whoooopeeee! No more tent living for me--for a while anyways. I must admit, I was very patient during the 5 weeks I stayed in that tent. I didn't bitch about brushing my teeth in a community trough with 4 guys on either side of me (don't drop that toofbrush!). I didn't bitch when the old man of the camp would start a conversation while coming out of the shower and toweling his testicles. I didn't bitch about the blue chemical splashbacks from the portapotties (got my own toilet now!). No sir I was a champ.

Yes, it was a pleasant gift. And it just happens to be my 2 month anniversary of being in Iraq (again).

You can't tell from this photo, but the bed is on a 12" stand for some reason, putting it about belly button height. This would've been OK if I was a belly button, but I'm not--I'm just a guy with really short legs. Looks like I'll have to find some phone books If I wanna climb into bed tonight.

I did something today that I bet only a few people in the world can say they have done...I shaved my elbows. They've been really dry lately and felt like a combination of sandpaper and the not-soft side of Velcro. It only seemed reasonable to shave off.

It came off pretty easy and it gave a snowy, Winter wonderland feeling to my desk until I threw it on my helper who came to investigate my self mutilation. He didn't find it as funny as I did.

This is what I bought the other day at the Hajji shop. A disk set of 133 movies! Dizzamn! That'll take me at least a month to go through. Actually, I wish the choices were a little better. I don't care for any of the 13 Harry Potter movies, besides, shouldn't he have graduated like 12 years ago? Its got all the Star Wars, LOTRs, Rocky's, Dirty Harry's and Die Hards on it. Basically, everything I've already seen. Great investment for $40. Yeah right. I don't really care for the movie choices on the basic cable here--I've already saw The Beastmaster 240,000 times when my family first got cable TV in the early 80s. AWE!! AWE!! (that was a hawk sound)

Speaking of beastmasters, the hand in this pic belongs to my office mate, Richard--he does the pest control here. This critter was under our guard shack. That lump in the snake may or may not be my last helper, Jugdeesh--he disappeared one night at his second job. I hired him to sleep under the guard shack dressed as a rat......**chirp chirp** **chirp chirp** ehhh, whatever.

I got to thinking. Does anybody ever eat chicken and say it tastes like snake? I dunno, just a thought....Work with me, it's late at night here. Well, the internet is slow here and it's taking me forever to download this crap, so I'll bid you good night.