Time to live your life vicariously though a really bored dude working in Iraq; not like you have anything better to do, right? Y'know....looking at what I've written so far (and not having any idea what to write about) it makes me think---we really don't use semicolons in English enough. Sure, someone thought highly enough about semicolons to put it on computer keyboards, but who invented the semicolon?--the Frankenstein of punctuation, anyway? I like to think of semicolons as the kid that always got picked to be team captain in dodgeball. Their hybrid pedigree made them the elite: They're not a colon, but I'm sure they still think they're better than a comma. I'm sure they look down on other punctuations and say things like "Oh, yeah. You're a period. A freak'n DOT! Wow, they really pulled out all the punches when they invented you!--sheeeeesh!"
What I really don't understand are those upside down question marks you see in Spanish. What do those mean!? Why are there no upside down exclamation marks? Would that make the sentence a whisper?? And how do you pronounce an upside down question mark? You can't say it backwards--'cuz its not backwards--it's upside down! Colons don't have to worry about things like that!
And why is a colon called a colon anyway? Didn't they get the memo that the word was already taken by the "poop-chute"?! And isn't a semicolon what you get when you have stomach bypass surgery?
Allright, I think I'm onto something.....when will I ever use the thing above the 6 on my keyboard? It's a ^?! WTF is that for?? Other than for keyboard smiley faces, I think they're useless. Seriously, I know some people read this blog--what does ^ mean???
Then there's the ampersand--&! Need I say more? Did someone drop some spaghetti on the keyboard!? That's just a weird symbol. I think writing "and" has got to be a lot easier than drawing this thing. It looks like one of the knots I learned in Boy Scouts. If I was paying attention, anyway.
As my eyes continue down my keyboard, I'm fascinated by another key.....@! At?? Have we really become so lazy that we can't take the time to write a simple "t"?! Yes, the circle is fun to add, but its still longer than writing a T--It's like, "Damn! We really saved a lot of time not writing that "T", you wanna go grab a beer and wait for the sentence to catch up to us?"
I really planned on posting various pics from the last week, but I forgot my camera in the office and don't feel like walking over there, so this is probably gonna be a run-on sentence; but at least I got a semicolon in properly! Goodnite....
10.25.2009
10.16.2009
10.13.2009
10.07.2009
BONUS ITEM!
I thought I found comedy gold on this "Hot dog in a can" item, but just couldn't do anything with it. Nothing seems to work--but since I paid $1.50 for it, it's going on the blog. Feel free to make your own joke and give me credit for it.
10.06.2009
The Whiskey Tango Foxtrot Product of the Day
This one tricked me. I thought I was getting chocolate milk--hey, it sounded good at the time. Our milk in the dining facilties say CREAM, so I figured this was along the same lines, um....no! Like the label says: Faroookah jaheel muhuatta bin asam--oops, I mean THICK CREAM. It was just that and beyond! It was a cross between cake frosting and chocolate flavoured butter. I ate two boxes--better than Ex-Lax!
10.05.2009
By Golly, I'm Gonna Write an Update!
The other day I went for a drive around our base and took some pics....wanna see? No? Then don't look....
I love this one...it's called The "Victory over America" Palace. Saddam had it built after Daddy Bush pulled the plug on invading Baghdad in the first Gulf War. Hmmmm....for some reason, they never got to finish it...those cranes haven't moved in....let's see...when did we invade again?
Another view, Saddam needs to cut his yard! He's got a few more palaces like this on base, all of them around bodies of water. Why do we say bodies of water? I don't know either!
Custom skylights courtesy of cruise missiles. Thanks Tom!
This is pretty cool, it's the backside of Saddam's children's playhouse, it's called Bedrock cuz it looks like the houses on the Flintstones. But it didn't taste like those delicious vitamins I use to eat like candy. MMmmmm, yummy...It's made of fiberglass and is now covered in graffiti from about 200 different military units from all over the world, none of which spell very well.
Well, this was fun. I guess under the right circumstances, I can still blog. I was worried that I'd have writers block and uh........hmmm.
9.13.2009
(sidenote: Below, I added some pics that I took yesterday from the roof/pool of the hotel where I gave myself 3rd degree burns)
9.12.2009
Captains Log / Star Date 9.12.09
I'm sitting here in the hotel lobby trying to figure out how to restart my blog after 7 months off. It's not easy, so bare with me. I've paid for an hour of internet usage, but have wasted the last 19 minutes typing, correcting, erasing everything I've written--all while picking the crusty desert boogers out of my chapped nostrils. Luckily, the nose picking really shortened the line for this particular computer, so no one is waiting.
(15 minutes left now)
Yeah, this is not gonna be easy. Maybe if I had some pictures to add, things would transition better, but I can't do it on this computer. I DID take some pictures while at the pool today. The pool. That was a genius idea. I decided to celebrate my first day in the desert with a trip to the hotel pool. Mind you, an hour out there is equal to about 4 hours at the beach--so I limited myself to 2 hours. Stick an apple in my mouth and I'll look like the main course at a luau.

Tomorow I head back to my original base in Iraq to work with some really cool people. I'm actually looking forward to being busy--(something I KNOW I'll regret saying in about a month). The last 6-7 months I was there, I spent at a tiny camp where nothing ever happened. But I'm sure you all knew that, right? Damn, my hour is up, can you believe that??



